


Sober

by unethicalcoffee



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unethicalcoffee/pseuds/unethicalcoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s another girl-shaped thing – sharp tongued, weary eyed, kindhearted – that fuels this flame in you. Suddenly sometimes you’re on the inside, seeing through Laura’s eyes, this weight in your chest like a cannonball, burning like a star, dying like one too. You forget all too quickly that you once lived on the outside of you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sober

When you look in the mirror you see it now. There’s this guideline they give you – template, cookie cutter – and you don’t know what to do with it. It means, you suppose, there’s something you’re meant to cut out, carve out, call it you. Really it’s just handfuls of earth, breaths of sky, glimpses of stars, things you don’t know. But you carry it with you, this little girl-shaped piece of world, and when people ask your name you point at it and tell them Laura. There’s this skin, and you fill it up with all these worldly things, and all you know is taxidermy, but no one knows it yet, not even you. You look at this girl-shaped piece of world and you call it Laura, but Laura has never been there.

You've never known where to find her, and you've never needed to. Laura is lost and stuffed skin stands in her place, but you stubbornly pretend she's there. You’re so embroiled in your own illusion you can’t see the spark that splits the skin, shatters the shambles within, the girl that takes the place of the girl-shaped thing. It's another girl-shaped thing – sharp tongued, weary eyed, kindhearted – that fuels this flame in you. Suddenly sometimes you’re on the inside, seeing through Laura's eyes, this weight in your chest like a cannonball, burning like a star, dying like one too. You forget all too quickly that you once lived on the outside of you.

That’s love, and you can’t lie anymore. So when you’ve stopped lying to you, you want to tell her the truth, but you wait. You have all the time in the world, and you’re Laura now, but Carmilla is ripped from you, and Laura is too. The star dies, nothing but white light, black star; you stuff the skin and stitch it back up. When you’re done you cry, banished back to the outside.

When you look in the mirror you see a girl-shaped thing stuffed with earth and sky and stars. Laura’s gone again, you’ll never know where, it’s just you and this cookie cutter and the rest of your life. Is this square one or is it further gone?

All you know is you’re sober.


End file.
